“There are two paths to self-worth. One begins with a real or perceived lack of support, love, or encouragement in childhood. As the child becomes an adult, he or she has to decide to have something which was never fostered or nurtured. This is difficult to overcome because there is a false belief that if one’s parents didn’t love them, the two people who should have the most and knew them the most, then how could anyone who truly knew them, love them. Challenges are: letting people in, becoming comfortable with the vulnerability that is love. The second path to self-worth begins with a real or perceived abundance of support, love, or encouragement in childhood. As the child becomes an adult, he or she is accustomed to being loved, approved of, and validated within the home. When this person is rejected, it’s so completely foreign to them that they may be drawn in to try to prove their worth to this job, friend, or relationship. They cannot understand why they are not loved. Challenges are: realizing rejection doesn’t mean that there’s a need to change the self to become acceptable to another, discovering worth that is independent of the agreement or disagreement of others. Neither path is easy. Neither path is impossible to navigate. It may take a few of the same relationship to occur before a pattern is recognized. Even then, if the person comes to the conclusion that “all women are emotional” or “all men are liars” then they are missing their lesson. If, and only if, they recognize their part in allowing the mistreatment to continue and assessing the reasons why, will they be freed from the obstacle of lack of self-worth. The pitfall is to become trapped in wonder if their childhood had only been different. No matter how it had been, there would still be the “other side” to face within adult relationships. Challenges to self-worth would either arise in the form of “that’s all I’ve ever known” or “I’ve never experienced this before.” Doe Zantamata